Monday, November 18, 2013

Adoption Interview: Kerry- An Adoptive Mom


I was able to participate in an adoption interview project. I was matched with another open adoption blogger and we read through each other's blog and created questions to interview them with- kind of like an exchange! It was so cool to read from an adoptive mom's view.

So with out further or due- Here is my interview with Kerry, from The M House, a mother through adoption and an advocate for infant loss and infertility!

Interview


1.     What events led you to choosing adoption as your path to parenthood?

I always wanted to adopt, so I knew at some point we would go down that path. However, after losing our daughter at 6.5 months to severe preeclampsia, we realized adoption would be our only option. The odds of having a successful pregnancy were slim to none and my health was also an issue.

2.     Will you try to have kids again?

No.  There have been significant gains in preeclampsia research and right before we were matched we decided to talk with my perinatologist. He gave us some promising numbers and we decided to give it a shot. We tried to conceive for six months before we stopped. During that time, my sister got pregnant. She began having blood pressure issues and my anxiety level went through the roof. I knew then I didn’t want to chance another complicated pregnancy that may or may not turn out well.

3.     I understand that you have an open adoption, how open is it?

Currently, it’s more of a semi-open adoption. We regularly send pictures and the first few months we spoke with Z’s birthmom on the phone.  The last couple of months have been quiet. We haven’t wanted to push for contact because we wanted to respect her wishes. Because we hadn’t heard from her in a while, we wrote her a letter and asked if she wanted to meet. A few weeks later, she called and I’m happy to say that we are getting together in a couple of weeks!

4.     You seem to be active in the pregnancy/infant loss community, what are some contributions you have made?

The pregnancy/infant loss community has been and continues to be a huge support system for me. The one thing I strive to do is be vocal. Pregnancy and infant loss, along with infertility, seems to be a secret topic among women. It’s not discussed. I don’t want to hide behind my loss. It happened. I gave birth to my daughter who had ten fingers and ten toes, just like everyone else. She isn’t a figure of my imagination. My grief was (is) real. No mother should have to pretend she isn’t hurting. You have to grieve to heal. I want others to know it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to have good days and bad days, even if it’s years later. The goal, at least for me, isn’t to forget and move on, but to accept, heal, and grow.




5.     What has been the biggest blessing that has come with your adoption journey?

My biggest blessing is my daughter. I am humbled that her birthmom chose us to raise her baby girl. No matter what happens in the future, Z’s birthmom will always have a special place in our lives and in our hearts.  She didn’t have to choose this path for herself or for her daughter, yet she did.

6.     What has been the biggest obstacle with your adoption journey?

There has been a couple here and there. The first being testicular cancer. My husband was diagnosed two months before we were supposed to begin our home study classes. His radiation treatments coincided with those classes and he was obviously too sick to participate. At that point, we only wanted to focus on him getting better.

We also had a few family members who weren’t on our side. They weren’t “not” supportive, but they weren’t supportive either. We would hear from others that they would talk about our decision behind our backs. It was definitely hurtful. However, we took it with a grain of salt because they had never been around adoption. We knew they would love our child once he or she was here. And that’s exactly what happened. J

7.     Have your friends and family been supportive in your adoption journey?

Besides a few, everyone has been supportive. They were just as happy and excited as we were.  Still are!

8.     How long did you wait before you were matched with your birth mom?

We began the official adoption process in the spring of 2011.  We got the call saying we were matched Sept 5, 2012.  It ended up being around 15 months.

So there you have it! I hope to participate in this again next year! It has been fun celebrating adoption month and spreading the word about adoption!

To read other interviews follow this link