Friday, July 27, 2012

Choosing the Adoptive Couple

After a few weeks of meeting with Chelsea, we talked about adoptive couples. I always knew I would have to look for some, (obviously, because that's what adoption is all about) but I never wanted to think about it! She explained to me the process of browsing and choosing to me. LDFS has an online site (itsaboutlove.org) where birth moms can look at couples' blog-like profiles. They post things about them and pictures. She told me I could look on the website at anytime and contact any of the ones that I seemed interested in.

It took me a good month before I even looked. It just scared me to find people who were, in my mind, taking this baby from me. I attempted about 3 times to search, but once I got to the home page, I'd start crying and close the computer. I felt like such a baby. How was I going to go through with adoption if I couldn't even pick a family?

I finally got the strength to look for families. I went to the site and managed to NOT chicken out (good job Laura). You can either search families at random or fill out a criteria page. I had some requirements in my mind, so I chose to fill out the criteria. I picked that the couple was between the ages 25-30(old people weren't parenting my baby), the father had at least a Masters degree(masters degree=good job=financially stable), the mother would be stay at home(no thank you to daycare), and the MOST important to me was that the adoption would be open!

I searched in Colorado first and I got 2 families. Uhhh ok? Out of ALLL the families in Colorado, only 2 matched my criteria? (I later realized that not many people ages 25-30 have their masters...OH WELL!). None of the 2 families looked like 'the one'. I think I may have read the first paragraph of their blogs and already knew they weren't the ones. I could just tell from their pictures. I was imagining a cute couple who dressed all cute and had cute hair and just looked PERFECT! (the Colorado people didn't make the cut) It sounds horrible that I was judging these people by their looks, but there was NOWAY my baby was going to a non-cute family.

After the total fail of Colorado's search, I decided to look in Utah! With my criteria, I again only matched MAYBE 10 families! (out of all them Mormons in Utah, 10 came up) the first family looked perfect! I read their blog and thought for sure they were 'the ones'. I emailed them through the link and waited! I waited for TWO weeks! I didn't get a reply! I was SO frustrated! Here I was, willing to give my baby to this couple and they weren't even emailing me back! What was I even doing?! Was adoption really the best, or was Heavenly Father trying to tell me that I should just parent? I met with Chelsea and I told her the situation and she was very surprised that an adoptive couple would just not reply to a birth mother's email. She did some calling around and it turned out that couple had adopted a few months back and their profile was just never taken off the website(very unusual). I was again frustrated because I had to start this WHOLE process over again! I JUST got the strength to search for couples and now I had to do it all over.

I searched in Utah again, and again- I got just a handful of hits. I scrolled through and found a super cute couple! Their names were Nicole and Toby! They had a biological daughter named Taylee! They were SOOO cute! Her hair was perfect, they had nice clothes, he was well groomed, and Taylee had a bow in her hair! This probably sounds so weird, but those were ACTUALLY the first thoughts that came to my head. I read their profile and they seemed great to me! I don't even think I looked at their pictures- I was just determined they were 'the ones'. I emailed the link and didn't think anything of it because I didn't even know if I would even get a reply(let's face it- last time I didn't)!

Toby, Nicole, and Taylee- arent they super cute?


About 2 days later I had an email from an unknown email address. I read it and about fainted! Nicole had ACTUALLY emailed me back! I was so excited! I don't really know why, but I was! She asked me how I was, asked what I was like, what I liked to do, etc. we emailed back and forth all day and she seemed so sweet!

We emailed back and forth for about a month before I told them I was officially picking them to be my adoptive couple! I had never met them in my life, other than emailing and I made up my mind! I just knew! I let them know I chose them by mailing them an 'It's a girl' card with a letter inside explaining my reasons of choosing them(and other mushy sensitive stuff).