It took me a good month before I even looked. It just scared me to find people who were, in my mind, taking this baby from me. I attempted about 3 times to search, but once I got to the home page, I'd start crying and close the computer. I felt like such a baby. How was I going to go through with adoption if I couldn't even pick a family?
I finally got the strength to look for families. I went to the site and managed to NOT chicken out (good job Laura). You can either search families at random or fill out a criteria page. I had some requirements in my mind, so I chose to fill out the criteria. I picked that the couple was between the ages 25-30(old people weren't parenting my baby), the father had at least a Masters degree(masters degree=good job=financially stable), the mother would be stay at home(no thank you to daycare), and the MOST important to me was that the adoption would be open!
I searched in Colorado first and I got 2 families. Uhhh ok? Out of ALLL the families in Colorado, only 2 matched my criteria? (I later realized that not many people ages 25-30 have their masters...OH WELL!). None of the 2 families looked like 'the one'. I think I may have read the first paragraph of their blogs and already knew they weren't the ones. I could just tell from their pictures. I was imagining a cute couple who dressed all cute and had cute hair and just looked PERFECT! (the Colorado people didn't make the cut) It sounds horrible that I was judging these people by their looks, but there was NOWAY my baby was going to a non-cute family.
After the total fail of Colorado's search, I decided to look in Utah! With my criteria, I again only matched MAYBE 10 families! (out of all them Mormons in Utah, 10 came up) the first family looked perfect! I read their blog and thought for sure they were 'the ones'. I emailed them through the link and waited! I waited for TWO weeks! I didn't get a reply! I was SO frustrated! Here I was, willing to give my baby to this couple and they weren't even emailing me back! What was I even doing?! Was adoption really the best, or was Heavenly Father trying to tell me that I should just parent? I met with Chelsea and I told her the situation and she was very surprised that an adoptive couple would just not reply to a birth mother's email. She did some calling around and it turned out that couple had adopted a few months back and their profile was just never taken off the website(very unusual). I was again frustrated because I had to start this WHOLE process over again! I JUST got the strength to search for couples and now I had to do it all over.
I searched in Utah again, and again- I got just a handful of hits. I scrolled through and found a super cute couple! Their names were Nicole and Toby! They had a biological daughter named Taylee! They were SOOO cute! Her hair was perfect, they had nice clothes, he was well groomed, and Taylee had a bow in her hair! This probably sounds so weird, but those were ACTUALLY the first thoughts that came to my head. I read their profile and they seemed great to me! I don't even think I looked at their pictures- I was just determined they were 'the ones'. I emailed the link and didn't think anything of it because I didn't even know if I would even get a reply(let's face it- last time I didn't)!
|Toby, Nicole, and Taylee- arent they super cute?|
About 2 days later I had an email from an unknown email address. I read it and about fainted! Nicole had ACTUALLY emailed me back! I was so excited! I don't really know why, but I was! She asked me how I was, asked what I was like, what I liked to do, etc. we emailed back and forth all day and she seemed so sweet!
We emailed back and forth for about a month before I told them I was officially picking them to be my adoptive couple! I had never met them in my life, other than emailing and I made up my mind! I just knew! I let them know I chose them by mailing them an 'It's a girl' card with a letter inside explaining my reasons of choosing them(and other mushy sensitive stuff).