Friday, July 27, 2012

Endless Support

I can't even begin to explain how grateful I am to the Lord that I had and STILL have so much positive support! Like I had said before, I was going to be open with my experience and the added luxury of support made it all possible.

I can count on 1 hand the the amount of rude comments I received(well that I ever heard of- if there were more I never knew) and for someone who is LDS and unmarried, I think that is a miracle.

When the news I was pregnant and chose adoption was known to the public, I had a few ladies come to me that had been in my same shoes! I had known these ladies for a while and I NEVER knew! One lady had placed 30 years ago, another 14, and another 4 years ago. All of whom were around my age and are now married in the temple and have kids of their own. It was so helpful to meet with a few of them and hear their stories and how they overcame their trials and made the best of their lives. It was amazing to me that they were able to totally turn their lives around and become such great women. I mean, I NEVER would have guessed they were in such a dark place like I had been! I wasn't really going back to church yet, or considering staying with the LDS church after this whole situation was over, but when I heard their stories, I started to change my mind.

I decided to start going back to church. I told myself if I could toughen up and go to singles ward by myself while pregnant, I could do just about anything. I was pretty dang nervous that Sunday. I wasn't showing yet, but I had no idea who knew I was pregnant or not. I was scared because I thought for sure I was going to be judged and frowned upon by my whole ward! I mean, let's face it. Throw a 19 year old SINGLE girl who's PREGNANT into a ward of college aged people. I have heard stories about girls who have had horrible experiences in my situation and I didn't want to have that stress-especially at church of all places.

I went and my bishop came and gave me a big hug. He asked me how things were going and if I needed anything(well that went well). I had a great experience going to church my whole pregnancy. I always made up come backs in my head if anyone ever judged me- like 'well at least I'm here going to church'. I never had to use these comebacks! Even when I was very much showing and there was NO confusing weather I had a baby bump or just a food baby. I was ACTUALLY making a few friends too! Girls would ask me when I was due, what I was having(boy or girl), about my adoption plan, etc. I LOVED talking about things like that(and still do). I know people were a little unsure on what to ask because some girls are a little touchy on that subject- but they were quick to realize I was definitely OPEN about everything! Talking about my baby girl made me SO happy(and still does)! I wanted people to know what I was doing with my situation(a lot to do with the fact that if everyone knew, nothing could be made up about me or something). To this day, I have lots of support from my ward family.

My mom's friends have been so supportive also! I loved going to my mom's relief society activities cuz I could talk for HOURS with the ladies there! I could relate because they have all been pregnant too and it was cool to talk about this special time in my life! A lot of the ladies were surprised I was so open about it, but why be closed off when this amazing baby was growing in me?! To this day my mom's friends are supportive and I've made friendships with them that I never would have other wise!

I can't forget to add in my family's support. Every time I went to my grandparent's house and saw my cousins and aunts and uncles, they were so loving and I could relate to my aunts with pregnancy and stuff. It was crazy how much just relating to people can bring you closer. My family has never been judgmental(well, not that I know of) and had only motivated me and given me words of encouragement!

My counselor, Chelsea, has been a great support! I could come to her feeling like crap or frustrated and I could leave feeling like a million dollars. She was always concerned about me and made sure I was doing well. She STILL checks up on me and we meet now after the fact, which is amazing. Me and Chelsea actually go to singles ward together so it was great knowing that she was also a ward family supporter. If I didn't have Chelsea as a motivator, I don't think
I would be so positive right now. Chelsea saw me at my worst times during pregnancy and also was present during the actual placement at the hospital. Me and her share a bond that not a lot of people have. Chelsea is my hero and I hope to be a positive influence to someone-like she was for me- one day.

The adoptive couple have been a supporter in my pregnancy. I always had an email from Nicole at least once a week. She has always been so nice to me! We could relate from being pregnant and also she is young and so cute- we can relate to 'young people' stuff! Toby and Nicole always kept me involved with things. They sent me a list of names they were thinking of naming the baby and I was able to tell them my favorite ones-so I was able to help pick her name- which is Kinley! They also named her middle name after mine(Lyn). I cried when I heard that news! Kinley Lyn! What a cute name! Still to this day, Toby and Nicole keep me involved as much as they can! They are family to me! Nicole is just like a sister! I love her and Toby so much and of course little Taylee! I couldn't have picked a better family for Kinley!

The BIGGEST support during my experience has been my mom. I always knew she was awesome, but I have discovered she is the most amazing lady I know. From the day she found out I was pregnant, she has never held it against me, thrown it in my face, made me feel like crap, or anything like that! If I wasn't at school or work, me and my mom hung out! We have become so close! We can talk about anything, joke about things, and I could actually RELATE to her. I could ask her any question concerning pregnancy(trust me-I had a lot). She went with me to my birthing classes and she was by my side my whole labor/delivery experience. She even cut the umbilical cord! All I can say is my mom is the most amazing and Christ-like person I know and I can't be anymore thankful for her support.



My mom and me- I sure do love her
Support was the biggest thing that has helped me! From the big impacts to the small words of encouragement I have received along the way. A lot of these people could have just said nothing but they chose to encourage me. I had a hard time for a while and if these people never shared, I probably would still be having a hard time. I have learned that no matter what the situation someone is in, positive support is important. I try to give people some positive support, even if their choices are not necessarily what I would do. You don't have to agree 100% with someone to show support- just support the part you DO agree with. Support and encouragement help SO much!