Saturday, November 23, 2013

Happy National Adoption Day!

So there is about 3 minutes left in the day and I just wanted to tell everybody HAPPY NATIONAL ADOPTION DAY! I'm working on an awesome post so stay tuned :)

Monday, November 18, 2013

Adoption Interview: Kerry- An Adoptive Mom


I was able to participate in an adoption interview project. I was matched with another open adoption blogger and we read through each other's blog and created questions to interview them with- kind of like an exchange! It was so cool to read from an adoptive mom's view.

So with out further or due- Here is my interview with Kerry, from The M House, a mother through adoption and an advocate for infant loss and infertility!

Interview


1.     What events led you to choosing adoption as your path to parenthood?

I always wanted to adopt, so I knew at some point we would go down that path. However, after losing our daughter at 6.5 months to severe preeclampsia, we realized adoption would be our only option. The odds of having a successful pregnancy were slim to none and my health was also an issue.

2.     Will you try to have kids again?

No.  There have been significant gains in preeclampsia research and right before we were matched we decided to talk with my perinatologist. He gave us some promising numbers and we decided to give it a shot. We tried to conceive for six months before we stopped. During that time, my sister got pregnant. She began having blood pressure issues and my anxiety level went through the roof. I knew then I didn’t want to chance another complicated pregnancy that may or may not turn out well.

3.     I understand that you have an open adoption, how open is it?

Currently, it’s more of a semi-open adoption. We regularly send pictures and the first few months we spoke with Z’s birthmom on the phone.  The last couple of months have been quiet. We haven’t wanted to push for contact because we wanted to respect her wishes. Because we hadn’t heard from her in a while, we wrote her a letter and asked if she wanted to meet. A few weeks later, she called and I’m happy to say that we are getting together in a couple of weeks!

4.     You seem to be active in the pregnancy/infant loss community, what are some contributions you have made?

The pregnancy/infant loss community has been and continues to be a huge support system for me. The one thing I strive to do is be vocal. Pregnancy and infant loss, along with infertility, seems to be a secret topic among women. It’s not discussed. I don’t want to hide behind my loss. It happened. I gave birth to my daughter who had ten fingers and ten toes, just like everyone else. She isn’t a figure of my imagination. My grief was (is) real. No mother should have to pretend she isn’t hurting. You have to grieve to heal. I want others to know it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to have good days and bad days, even if it’s years later. The goal, at least for me, isn’t to forget and move on, but to accept, heal, and grow.




5.     What has been the biggest blessing that has come with your adoption journey?

My biggest blessing is my daughter. I am humbled that her birthmom chose us to raise her baby girl. No matter what happens in the future, Z’s birthmom will always have a special place in our lives and in our hearts.  She didn’t have to choose this path for herself or for her daughter, yet she did.

6.     What has been the biggest obstacle with your adoption journey?

There has been a couple here and there. The first being testicular cancer. My husband was diagnosed two months before we were supposed to begin our home study classes. His radiation treatments coincided with those classes and he was obviously too sick to participate. At that point, we only wanted to focus on him getting better.

We also had a few family members who weren’t on our side. They weren’t “not” supportive, but they weren’t supportive either. We would hear from others that they would talk about our decision behind our backs. It was definitely hurtful. However, we took it with a grain of salt because they had never been around adoption. We knew they would love our child once he or she was here. And that’s exactly what happened. J

7.     Have your friends and family been supportive in your adoption journey?

Besides a few, everyone has been supportive. They were just as happy and excited as we were.  Still are!

8.     How long did you wait before you were matched with your birth mom?

We began the official adoption process in the spring of 2011.  We got the call saying we were matched Sept 5, 2012.  It ended up being around 15 months.

So there you have it! I hope to participate in this again next year! It has been fun celebrating adoption month and spreading the word about adoption!

To read other interviews follow this link

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Birth Mom Meet Up


A few months ago I had the amazing opportunity to attend a birth mom meet up; it was put on by Adoption: Share The Love. A handful of the ladies I had already "met" through the internet, but most I had never seen before. I have been wanting to be apart of a birth mother's retreat ever since I gave birth to Kinley, so I was so very excited to go and share my story with others and listen to others' experiences. If there are any birth mothers out there reading this, I HIGHLY  recommend trying to find a birth mom meet up. Even if it isn't an "official" one, just finding birth moms near you and going to lunch or hanging out and sharing your stories. Being able to hear birth mothers' stories who have been on this journey for many many years was so inspirational. I was able to get advice and also realize that there really is life after placement and we are all worth it. There were lots of tears and laughter and all for a great cause. It's amazing how all of us women are from various parts of the country, backgrounds, situations, yet we all have somewhat, the same emotions. I could just hug and cry with a random lady and we both just got it.

Look at all these amazing women!


The meet up was at a park and the second I pulled up and walked under the gazebo, I felt the most powerful force. The spirit was so strong there. I immediately had to talk myself down from just spewing tears everywhere! I hadn't even talked to anyone yet and my heart was full of love for every single woman there! We wrote our names on name tags and it was so great to see all the people I have talked with over Facebook and other social media sites. It was so surreal that I was actually PHYSICALLY talking to them. It was the first time I had ever met them, but they were and are some of my best friends.  I felt right at home with all of them. We walked around and introduced ourselves and I seemed to say "So, what's your story?" to every one. No story was the same. We were told to bring a picture of our birth children, so I of course brought a picture of Kinley. We also wrote 3 words that described what adoption meant to us. I chose MIRACLES, LOVE, and OPPORTUNITIES. They had us hold up our pictures and words for an awesome photographer to take our picture. I felt all fancy getting my pictures taken.

This is the slide show they created with all the photos! you may need a tissue!

I met Sarah a long time ago via Instagram and it was so awesome to meet her for real!

On the left is Rachel and I met her when I went to Utah for Kinley's birthday and it was so great to see her again! On the right is Jessi and she is pregnant with her sweet baby girl who she will be placing- I met her for the first time and we clicked and I'm happy to consider her a life-long friend!

These two are amazing! Christin(right) is the birth mom to Nicole(left) and they were reunited earlier this year. And Nicole is also a birth mamma to a little boy! I hope Kinley and I can have an amazing bond like these two!

Oh Janice- I met her over Facebook a few weeks previous to the retreat and she is the sweetest most funniest lady ever! Her birth son is about my age I think! 

These are 3 amazing ladies! Ashley Mitchell, Alysia Foote, and Haley Kirkpatrick! These are the ladies who made it all happen!

I am so grateful I was able to go to this birth mom meet up. I made new friendships and I was also able to carry some wisdom home with me.