Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Why I Celebrate Mother's Day and Not Birth Mother's Day

So with it being Mother's Day "season" and for the adoption community, Birth Mother's Day "season," I thought I'd take it upon myself and add in my little two cents.

As usual, take it or leave it.

I actually never even heard of Birth Mother's Day until like a few weeks before it came last year. It sounded really cool, but the more I thought about it and tossed it around in my head, the more I decided it just wasn't a day for me.

I am one to believe that birth mothers ARE real mothers. Yes, we are a "different" kind of mother. We grew and cared for our babies for those 9 months. We love and will do anything for our child(ren). Sure, we don't parent our children but we are a mother to them. We worry about their well being and we want them to succeed. We are mothers! I love the day set aside for the women who sacrificed their bodies, their life, and their time for the well being of their child. I feel I fit into this category too.

I love the idea of a day to recognize birth mothers. It really is an awesome thing. But I feel having it the day before Mother's Day is borderline insulting. They wouldn't have miscarriage awareness day the day before Mother's Day. *No I am not comparing placing a child to a miscarriage. I would NEVER do that. You can't compare two very different pains together- its not fair*. But one thing is the same, we both don't have our babies with us. And it feels like a big slap in the face to feel excluded or devalued. Both types of mothers (a birth mother and a mother who lost her baby to miscarriage) are mothers and they need to be recognized on this wonderful day!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think Birth Mother's Day should be in another time of the year- like maybe in November, when it's national adoption month or something like that. I don't like it being right there by Mother's Day as a day to exclude us from real actual holiday. I'm also not saying those who celebrate it are dumb or wrong, they can do whatever they feel is best. There are women out there who LOVE Birth Mother's day and that is great and fabulous. I just won't be celebrating it!

Last year Grant and I went to the Temple on "Birth Mother's Day" and we will do the same this year. Last year Grant gave me flowers for Mother's Day and he will probably do the same!

So, happy Birth Mother's Day to those who celebrate it and happy Mother's Day to every single woman who has grown a child in her belly (even if it were for a short time) or has raised a child!

Let's face it, motherhood is about love!