One Year Older and Wiser too

Well guys- I survived my first year of being a birth mom. I'm here with all limbs and sanity still accounted for. I lost a few friends along the way, but I survived! It's so bitter sweet to think this time last year I was getting back on my feet after placing Kinley. It was the beginning of this journey and I didn't know what I was headed for. Like I said in my last blog- I'm sure glad I was chosen to be the one to take this journey because of all the lessons I've learned! I've come so far in this short year and when I compare myself to last year, I can't help but cry happy tears at how far I've come and all that I have over come.

Grant and I were able to travel down to see Kinley! It was such a great weekend! We never really get to spend a lot of time together, just us, because of work and other things life needs us for, so it was fun to spend 5 days interrupted together. We got to Utah a few days before our visit, so we got to do some hiking, swimming, and just relaxing. On the 4th, I ran a 5k race I have been training for, and it was so much fun! It felt good to accomplish this goal I set!

Kinley's party was the day before her actual birthday. It was at her grandparent's home. I am so grateful, they opened up their home to us to celebrate with them. Im not really sure if I have mentioned this before, but my favorite animal is an elephant. I usually make it a point to send Kinley any and all elephant things I find! I have an eye for elephants and I can spot elephants at almost any store. Anyways- Nicole knows this and she was so thoughtful to incorporate elephants as the theme of her party. The invitations had a big elephant on them, Kinley's cake was an elephant, there were elephant cookies, etc. I was in heaven! It also made me feel so good that Nicole thought of me when doing it all.

When we got to their house, Kinley was still sleeping so Nicole went up to wake her. I was soooo excited to see her! I woke up at like 6:30 am because I couldn't sleep!! When she brought her down- My heart melted! I hadn't seen her in so long- except in pictures- and she had grown so much! I almost didn't recognize her. I gave her the biggest hug and kiss. At first, she wasn't sure about me. It was like she knew I was a good person, but she wasn't sure why she liked me. after about 10 or so minutes, she warmed up and was fine. Grant says she knew who I was. I bought her an outfit and Nicole let it be her party dress. I know it's a small gesture, but it meant so much to me. She was kind of confused that I dressed her and was like "wait- why is this girl dressing me? I thought only mommy and daddy dressed me".

everyone got there, we ate and Nicole let me feed Kinley. It was so fun and she thought it was hilarious when I made airplane noises as I spooned her bananas.

She opened presents and Nicole invited me to sit up with them and help her open them. Again- something so small, but it meant a lot to me. It was fun to see her amazed at all the tissue paper and bows. And she got so excited over the toys and fun things she got.

Then she ate her cake. When we sang to her, she was a little confused why everyone was looking at her and singing, but when we sang "happy birthday, dear Kinley" she got a big smile on her face and giggled because we said her name. It was so cute. Nicole put her big cake in front of her and she didn't hesitate to dig right in. It was so funny that she was just going to town on it. She didn't want to eat it, she just wanted to throw it round and make a big mess! It got all in her hair and her bow and she even managed to fling it on some people who were standing close.

We went swimming after and I got to play with Kinley in the pool and watch her play and have fun. It was so fun to watch her interact with her cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. She is such a loved little girl and her family is so wonderful.

The best part of her party was when I sat her up on my lap and I said "Kinley, say La La" she looked at my mouth and studied it really hard and then said "La La" it was so cool!! She giggled like "yep- I'm awesome" My heart was so full and happy. I'm sure she had no idea she made my day- but she did.

It was so fun to see Kinley's personality. She is such a happy baby. She never really cried unless she was tired or she got hurt! The last time I saw her, she was just barely army crawling, and now she is walking EVERYWHERE! she is also saying words! She says mommy, daddy, Taylee, Papa, uh oh, baby (which is her favorite word), and now La La. Everything is a baby. She points at animals and says "baby", she points to her doll and says "baby", and she points to pictures of her and says "baby" it's so cute! She kept taking my phone and pointing to the picture of her and saying "baby". It's so crazy how big and smart my pretty girl has gotten!

The next day- the 7th- was her actual birthday. We went to church with them and then went over to their house again and just hung out and visited. My mom, sister Charnae, her daughter Camille, and my other sister, Audrey drove down that morning and met up with us to see Kinley. I was so excited because Charnae hand't seen Kinley since she was born- and Camille was still in her tummy when Kinley was born- so they got to meet (and of course Kinley was calling Camille baby).

At her party, I gave Kinley fun little presents like toys and clothes, but on her actual birthday, I gave her some more sentimental gifts. I put together a photo album of pictures of me from the time I was born, until the time I gave birth (I looked through it with her, and- you guessed it- she said "baby" at every picture), I had my friends, who came and visited us in the hospital, write little letters to Kinley about what they remember about her, I got her the matching bracelet to my necklace- it says "forever in my heart" and has a charm that says "Laura", and then I got her a recordable book called "Wherever you are my love will follow", I also got her a blanket and my mom embroidered her name on it- I got her one when she was born also- so now she has a new one.

she's checkin out her bracelet

The rest of the time we just visited and played! My sister has a little squeaky giraffe toy for Camille and Kinley thought it was so funny! She played with it almost the whole time and just walked around laughing and had the biggest grin!

snuggles

I love her smile!

my mom and Kinley 

Audrey feeding her her water

playing with her

playing with her car with one finger

Well I'm done with the picture over load! When we left, my mom taught Kinley how to blow a kiss. I have a video of it- but it wont upload- so maybe later I will figure it out. She gave me a kiss goodbye and waved! I had such an awesome visit with her! I am so blessed to have such a great open adoption. I couldn't have asked for better parents for my baby girl. They love her as their own- and I can tell they are raising her to be the best little girl. It was so fun to see her personality and to interact with her. She is such a sweet girl and I think deep down- she knows what all is going on and feels the love from both her adoptive family and her birth family. I don't want to sound arrogant when I say this, but I truly feel that Kinley feels the bond that we have. Even though she is still so young- I feel like she knows who I am and she can feel my love. It's so heart-warming to see that all I have done to make sure she knows I lover her show! She is so loved and she has the life I always imagined my children to have- maybe not the same circumstances- but she has all the love and all the things she needs.

I was worried I would feel sad on her birthday- because it also marks when I kissed her goodbye- but instead I was overwhelmed with love and amazement at the person I created! I did, however, have a hard time on the 9th. That was her placement day. All the emotions were so real. I felt like I was back in the hospital with a broken heart. I had so much support from my family and friends though. I was able to bounce back and my day was better. It's amazing how fast I am able to bounce back after having my "moments". I have finally gotten the hang of knowing what to do to cope.

I wrote this on my Facebook page and I wanted to share it on here:

"Today marks strength and weakness. Today marks true love. 

Today marks heart break and healing. Today marks new beginnings and fresh starts. 

Today marks trust and hope. Today marks the day I gave my pretty girl a whole family, the best life, and the resources to grow. 

Today marks the hardest day of my life- and the hardest journey that has shaped who I am entirely. 

I wouldn't wish this upon anyone- but I am truly thankful Heavenly Father chose me. 

Today is hard- but we can do hard things."

So here is to another year of being a birth mom! I have gone through all my "firsts" so I'm ready to see what is in store for the 2nd year! until next time! 

Mother's Day

Today has really been a bitter-sweet day for me. To be honest, I have been dreading Mother's Day for the past few weeks. Mostly because I didn't really know what to expect or how I would feel. It is hard thinking that last Mother's Day I was pregnant and I felt more of a mom then than I do today. I was caring for my peanut and was "with" her 24/7. Today, I am baby less, not with her, and that is a hard thing to face. I know that I am a real mother, but it isn't the same when your child doesn't call you mom and you cant do those "motherly" things for her everyday.

Yesterday was Birth Mother's Day. I knew the Saturday before MD is always BMD, and I was actually pretty excited about it. I was excited that birthmothers had a day to be honored by others for our sacrifices and etc. I was actually going to blog yesterday and promote it and get all into it. But I read a BLOG a few days before about a birth mother who doesn't celebrate BMD. It really put things into perspective and I too decided that I would rather celebrate MD, even if it is painful. I think that it is great that there is a BMD, but I don't think that it should be the day before MD. It's a great feeling to be acknowledged for my sacrifice and great strength, but at the same time, I would rather be acknowledged for be the real mother I am. No, I don't parent Kinley, but I did give her life and I provided her with all I could offer, which I feel is what real mothers do. I think that having BMD the day before kind of pushes birthmothers away from MD. Maybe if BMD was another part of the year or something, it would be better. Anyways- I hope that makes sense.

Grant and I went to the temple yesterday. I purposely had us go so that I could get lost in The Lord's work instead of focussing on this weekend. It was a great time. We drove down to Monticello and had long conversations and laughed and had a great road trip. The temple was amazing of course, and the spirit was so strong. I love being in The Lord's house. There is nothing more peaceful than the temple.

 We had lunch in Moab and then drove the rest of the way back home. We got on the subject of MD and I expressed my concerns and sadness I was having for the day. He was so caring and he tried to comfort me the best he could. We spent the rest of the day cleaning and just relaxing. Grant surprised me with a dozen red roses. He said he wasn't going to get me anything because he wasn't sure if I wanted to just ignore MD as a whole or what. But he decided to get me some and it melted my heart how caring and supportive he is. I must add that Grant isn't a present person. Not because he is not a giving person or anything, he just isn't a huge present-giving person. So for him to get me flowers, it was a huge thing in its self. We packed some lunchables in the car and we went star gazing out at a trail. He made my day so much better.

When I woke up this morning, I didn't really want to got o church. Mostly because it's Mother's Day and they always talk about mothers and how amazing they are and all of that. Don't get me wrong- I LOVE my mom- it's just today is rough because I'm not the "typical" mother. I drug myself out of bed and we went to church and kept my cool pretty well until the little kids got up and sang a song to their mothers. I lost it. I sobbed and sobbed. It's just really painful that I don't have my baby and that she won't sing those songs for me when she is older. The words to the song they sang are as followed:

Mother, I love you; mother, I do.
Father in heaven has sent me to you.
When I am near you. I love to hear you
Singing so softly that you love me too.

It is such a sweet song, but so painful to hear in my situation. I can't wait for the day I have children of my own and for them to be able to sing me those songs.

I was a basket case the rest of the day and my emotions were on major edge- I just wanted to sleep- which is what I do when I'm down. And as I was getting ready to dose off, Nicole texted me and asked if I wanted to Face Time with Kinley. I about had a heart attack. I hadn't really talked to them in a few weeks and really wasn't expecting anything. It made my day just to see my pretty girl! She is so big and she is crawling all over the place. Her teeth are growing in and she is jabbering a lot. Something so simple as video chatting made my day so much better.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers. But especially Happy Mother's Day to all you birth mothers. I hope all my birth mom friends are handling today well and I am so grateful for my wonderful husband and all he does.

Fears

Everyone has at least one fear. Whether it be heights, spiders, the dark, or the boogy man. Before I placed Kinley for adoption I had these fears also. The dark and heights being a few. After placement though- I have developed a few more that are bit bigger than the lack of light or looking over ledges. I always thought I was being silly, but the more I have expressed publicly, I have found lots of other birthmothers have the same fears.

1. Not being able to be a mom
I have heard stories of women giving birth normally with no complications and then having something go wrong after delivery and they can no longer have children or women who's bodies just don't want to have babies again. I always fear that my body will only be able to have one child and that was Kinley, who I'm not parenting. I've also feared that I would marry a man that is sterile. It's close to impossible that these things would happen, but it's always in the back of my mind.

2. Kinley feeling unwanted
I've been learning a lot about the different sides of adoption and I have come across a few angry adoptees. They express how they feel unwanted and confused about their adoption and don't know why their birthmothers 'gave them up'. There's also anger involved when expressing their feelings and they just can't understand why they were placed with their adopted family. I sometimes fear Kinley will feel this way when she is older. I fear that she will be bitter towards me and feel alone and never be able to forgive me or understand my reasonings for adoption.

Toby and Nicole are amazing people and they are doing a wonderful job at raising my princess. I know that they will tell Kinley everything and be open to her about this whole journey and I know that they will do everything in their power to provide Kinley with enough love that she won't ever have to feel lonely or unwanted. This is one of the biggest reasons for my blog- to write down my feelings so that Kinley will be able to come and read what is going through my mind and know that placing her was everything but abandonment and not wanting her. I make it a priority to send her at least a letter often to update her on my life and to express my love to her. My door will always be open for her. I can't wait for her to become older and be able to ask me questions and things.

3. Finding someone who will accept me and my decisions
This fear has been booted out because I have found an amazing man who supports and accepts my past. But before I met him, I feared I would find an amazing guy and build a great relationship with him and then tell him about Kinley and have him back out of the relationship or judge me harshly. It's pretty big news to tell someone you had a baby and placed her. It brings 'having baggage' to a whole new level. There are lots of emotional ups and downs they have to be patient with and lots of sympathy and understanding that comes right along with it. I also feared that I would tell a guy about Kinley and they wouldn't be supportive of the open adoption. I was scared they would think it was weird to have visits and contact with this baby that wasn't even theirs.

I have been so blessed to have found a guy who is so open minded and understanding towards my decisions with Kinley. Grant was a friend throughout my pregnancy and he was a friend after. He has made room in his heart not only for me, but for sweet Kinley. He is so willing and excited to come to visits with me. He gets a huge smile when I receive pictures of her, and he is most of all so patient with my emotional side with the adoption. He wasn't there for the placement, but he has done all he can to try and understand the adoption. He doesn't know 100% what I go through and feel, but he is always there to wipe my tears and just hold me when it has been a rough day. I was so so scared I would always be alone and that no one would be kind-hearted enough to step up and take care of me, but I was proven wrong(thanks babe).


These have been my biggest worries and I have come to realize that a lot of other birth moms have the same fears. I'm not saying that all birthmothers have all these same exact fears, I'm just saying that it is so interesting that through one similar life-changing experience (placement)  birth mothers can relate so well to one another.

48 Hours of Pure Happiness

Right after I was moved up into the recovery room and was all settled in my bed, my sister, Jaala arrived! I was so excited for her to come and see baby Kinley! She gave me a hug and B-lined it to hold and cuddle Kinley! A few minutes later, my good friend Robert arrived from Utah. He drove all the way that night. It was so awesome to see all these people here that loved and supported me.

Jaala fell in love with her the second she laid eyes on her!

kisses

We all stayed up until about 4am and then I kicked everyone out so we could get some sleep! Jaala stayed with me during the nights. My mom and Charnae didn't want to leave, but we reassured them that they could come back first thing in the morning. Everyone left and we were finally able to get some shut eye. I kept waking up every 15 minutes to check and make sure that there was a baby still next to me- it all still seemed like a dream!

It felt like I had slept for hours when I woke up, but it had only been about an hour and a half! That weekend in the hospital, I learned what a true power nap was. I never wanted to sleep, so I found rest in 15 minute intervals. I woke up at about 7 to a wide awake little baby girl! I fed her, I changed her diaper, cuddled her, took so many pictures of her! I loved that little girl so much! It seriously felt like Christmas all weekend!

I loved waking up to her!

I called Toby and Nicole that morning and told them that I had reserved the morning for them to come meet their baby girl for the first time in person. They were so excited and so was I- well more nervous than excited. I didn't know what to think when they came. Was I going to feel over protective of Kinley? Was it going to be hard to see them hold her? Especially since I knew they were going to be taking her tomorrow! I was so nervous and I told Jaala that I might cry! She was nervous too so we hugged and just hoped for the best when they came.

It seemed like forever before they got there, but they walked in the room with the biggest smiles on their faces. I could tell they were truly happy! Nicole was holding Taylee and I could tell Taylee didn't really know what was going on- until she saw Kinley. Taylee's little eyes opened so wide and she had the biggest little grin any little girl could have- kind of like on Christmas morning! She was pretty much jumping out of Nicole's arms in excitement! We let Taylee sit on the bed next to us and touch her fingers and pet her hair! Taylee was so obsessed with her toes! She kept asking to take off her socks so she could see Kinley's little cute toes and feet! It was so cute and comforting to me to know that Taylee was so clearly excited about having a baby sister. I let Nicole hold Kinley and her face lit up! Kinley looked perfect in her arms! Same thing when Toby held her! They held her, took some pictures, and we all chatted a bit and then Toby and Nicole left until the next evening.

Taylee seeing her little sister for the first time

Giving Kisses

Checking out her toes

Litle family

When they left, I was so surprised that I didn't feel any jealousy, over protective, anything like I had feared. I felt peace. The last thing I thought I would feel! I had a sense of happiness when they had come. Comfort that I had picked the perfect family for my baby girl.

I had a TON of visitors that day. I think we counted about 40-50 people who came to see us in the hospital! I wanted visitors, but I told them I didn't want any heart-felt comments about the adoption like "you are doing a brave thing" "I know this is hard but..." "We are so proud of you" things like that. I wanted normal things you say to a new mom like "She is so cute" "she has your lips" "You did a good job" things like THAT! I wanted my days with Kinley to be happy and as normal as could be! Everyone was respectful of my simple request and that definitely helped!

I was amazed at how many people took time out of their lives to come see me and Kinley! I felt so loved! There was a nonstop flow of people from noon until about 11pm. So many ward members, previous young women leaders, high school friends, and other supporters came and brought gifts, flowers, cards, and most importantly their bright smiles! It made me feel so good and happy! I felt so proud of Kinley! We are both so loved and I am so grateful for that! I was so tired that day! I had slept about 2 hours tops since the night before I went into labor! I didn't want to sleep ever! My mom had to make me take a nap. She pried Kinley out of my arms and demanded I take a nap. I think she just wanted to hold Kinley longer (Sneaky mom). I decided to listen to her and forced myself to get some sleep. Every little whimper or sound Kinley made, I would sit strait up make sure everything was ok- my mom would roll her eyes and say "Everything is fine. I know how to take care of a baby". about 20 mins went by and I couldn't force myself to sleep anymore so I gave up on the whole nap thing.

burping my little monkey

Sad monkey

I loved playing with her

Towards the end of that day, my little brothers, Brok and Westley came to the hospital to meet and hold Kinley! Westley (9) came in and gave me the biggest hug! We call him the baby whisperer because any and every baby LOVES him! Westley loves babies so he was in heaven when he got to hold Kinley! Brok loved her too! I was so special to see a 9 and 13 year old have so much love it heir eyes for a little baby girl they had just met! Brok had been so excited about all the ultra sounds I ever got and was so interested in them! I could tell he was glad to finally see her outside of me! Same with Wes, he was the one who would rub my big belly and listen/feel for heartbeats and talk to Kinley when she was in my belly. He had stars in his eyes when he would talk to her in person! He kept saying over and over how cute she was! After a few hours of them visiting, it was time for Brok and Westley to go back home because it was their bed time. That was the first time I experienced the heart ache of saying goodbye to my baby. The boys started to walk out of the room and I had to remind them that this was the last time they were going to see Kinley. The looks on their faces when I told them this would break anyone's hearts. They had nothing but smiles and love, and their smiles were wiped off of their faces in an instant. They looked like they had just seen a ghost. It broke my heart when little Westley had tears streaming down his face as he held Kinley's hand and gave her a kiss on the forehead. He whispered in her ear that he loved her and that he would always love her and miss her. I fell to pieces. I know Westley and Brok's hearts were hurting. Brok then came and gave Kinley a big hug as tears streamed down his face. He told her that he was her uncle Brok and she would grow up to be the prettiest girl in the world. Brok is the most awesome 13 year old brother ever. He gave me a big hug and kiss and told me he was proud of me and that he loved me. I had to double take my little brother Brok- he was 13 years old, in 7th grade and he was acting like a 25 year old man! I have the most amazing little brothers in the world! And I'm so glad that they were able to share this experience with me. After they had left, reality was sinking in more and more.

I love this picture. They love Kinley so much!

Uncle Brok

Uncle Westley. He looks so happy

Cuties

precious :)

It was about 11pm by the time everyone was gone for the day and I was finally able to get some sleep. I  am so grateful to Jaala for helping me while I was at the hospital and even when I got home from the hospital. She was like what a husband was supposed to do. She helped me to the bathroom, helped me clean myself, fix my dressings and nasty mess of a- how do I put this- world war 3 down there! (sorry for the visual) I really couldn't have done it without her. I was so helpless. when I needed to go to the bathroom, she helped me, when I was so terribly tired, she would take Kinley for a bit, When I needed food, she would order it for me, she was there to cry on her shoulder, we said little prayers together, shared little moments with Kinley. When Jaala had to go somewhere, Charnae would step in and take her spot! I really grew close to my sisters those 2 days. I always loved my big sisters, but I feel we turned a whole new page in our sisterly relationship. I was very grateful that they were able and willing to spend the nights and days with me in the hospital!

She loves her auntie Charnae

This picture is one of my favorites

Changing her diaper- I think I'm using my finger as a pacifier because she was crying

All of us! Kinley is a sad monkey again

When Monday morning rolled around, I dreaded that day so much. I had been having the time of my life spending time and bonding with Kinley and knowing I would have to say goodbye to her that night, made me so anxious! I felt like time was going way too fast that day. Every time I looked at the clock I felt like it was jumping ahead by 15 minutes instead of seconds. I cherished every second I had that day. I requested that I had no visitors that day- just family. I wanted my time to bond and say my goodbyes to my baby girl. I held her, kissed her, changed her diapers, fed her, burped her. I didn't want anyone else to do it. I wanted her all to myself. It was my last day to be a mommy to my baby girl. I knew i was going to go through with everything, but I still didn't want 8pm to come around. I had lots of texts, emails, and face book messages from friends giving their sympathy and what not. I just ignored them because they were making me sad and I wanted my last day to be happy! I didn't want to feel sad until 8pm. That last day with Kinley is a day I will never forget. I couldn't stop staring at her beautiful eyes. She had the prettiest lips also. Actually- she is beautiful all over! I was so proud that I made such a cute baby! She was the only thing that was 100% mine! I took pride in the fact that she had my name apart of her and she had my last name, even though I know It is temporary, I still like to think of her as Kinley Gladden. I never wanted to leave her. She had to get a few tests done in the nursery and she had to leave the room, so I would go with her and hobble my way down to the room and sit and wait for the tests to be completed! I loved the way the nurses and doctors would smile and drool over her! It made me feel so special! In my head I was saying "yep- that's my daughter. I made her". It's the best feeling in the world to be her mommy.

I made sure I took pictures of her little features I loved! I loved her big long feet!

And her little ears that were all folded from being in my tummy

I did a comparison and me and Kinley have the same lips and nose! I'm on the right and she is on the left

Whenever she was sad or sleeping, she would fold her legs up like this! We called them her puzzle legs

I went with her to get her hearing test done. She looks like a little DJ

Touching her hair while she sleeps

I think she looks like a little lady in this one! Look at those long fingers!

Burping her again

Milk Drunk:)

A former bishop came to visit me that morning. His real job is a doctor at the hospital, so I thought maybe he came to do some tests for us to be discharged. I was so tired, I didn't even realize he was there just to visit, until about 5 minutes into him talking. It was so random, but very welcomed that he came! I always liked that guy! He asked me how I was, told me how cute Kinley was, asked me questions about what my plans were for later in life, he never once really said anything about the adoption other than he was proud of me! About halfway through his visit, tears started streaming down my face. I had forgotten that he had been called as the stake president a couple weeks before! I had totally forgotten! Wow! the Stake president took time out of his busy work schedule AND stake president schedule to come visit me! I really think it was inspired that he came! I felt so loved by my church and Heavenly Father that the stake president came to see me! I sure do love that man!

My brother in law Dayle had to go to work that afternoon, so he came and said his goodbyes that morning. He stayed for a few hours. He held Kinley, talked to her, kissed her, he even got her bottle ready so I could feed her. I have to add in that the night before, he almost puked making a bottle because he couldn't stand the smell of the baby formula- so it was cool to see him so willing to make one for her! He is going to be such a good dad! When the time came to say his goodbyes. once again we all had tears. He gave her the biggest hug and told her his goodbye. I hated that feeling. The tugging at the heart feeling as everyone said their goodbyes. I hated seeing everyone so sad and I dreaded having to say MY last goodbye. I just wanted time to stop so I didn't have to or I wished I could just fast forward through the whole placement and skip to a few weeks after. I didn't want to feel sad.

That was Dayle the night before making a bottle haha

I think Brok and Dayle are changing her diaper! What good men!

I think he's in love!

Teary goodbyes 

Unfortunately, that isn't an option in real life and I got a call from Chelsea, my case worker, saying that everything was set to go at 8pm to start signing papers. My dad texted me and asked if it would be ok if he was there when the paper signing and placing happened and of course I said yes. A couple weeks earlier, we ad gotten in kind of an argument because he didn't want to even come to hospital to see Kinley. I was very glad he had a changed mind and decided to spend pretty much all day there at the hospital with me. I was especially glad to have my daddy there when I did the hardest thing of my life. To my dismay- 8pm had finally come and it was time to get everything rolling.