Why I Celebrate Mother's Day and Not Birth Mother's Day

So with it being Mother's Day "season" and for the adoption community, Birth Mother's Day "season," I thought I'd take it upon myself and add in my little two cents.

As usual, take it or leave it.

I actually never even heard of Birth Mother's Day until like a few weeks before it came last year. It sounded really cool, but the more I thought about it and tossed it around in my head, the more I decided it just wasn't a day for me.

I am one to believe that birth mothers ARE real mothers. Yes, we are a "different" kind of mother. We grew and cared for our babies for those 9 months. We love and will do anything for our child(ren). Sure, we don't parent our children but we are a mother to them. We worry about their well being and we want them to succeed. We are mothers! I love the day set aside for the women who sacrificed their bodies, their life, and their time for the well being of their child. I feel I fit into this category too.

I love the idea of a day to recognize birth mothers. It really is an awesome thing. But I feel having it the day before Mother's Day is borderline insulting. They wouldn't have miscarriage awareness day the day before Mother's Day. *No I am not comparing placing a child to a miscarriage. I would NEVER do that. You can't compare two very different pains together- its not fair*. But one thing is the same, we both don't have our babies with us. And it feels like a big slap in the face to feel excluded or devalued. Both types of mothers (a birth mother and a mother who lost her baby to miscarriage) are mothers and they need to be recognized on this wonderful day!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think Birth Mother's Day should be in another time of the year- like maybe in November, when it's national adoption month or something like that. I don't like it being right there by Mother's Day as a day to exclude us from real actual holiday. I'm also not saying those who celebrate it are dumb or wrong, they can do whatever they feel is best. There are women out there who LOVE Birth Mother's day and that is great and fabulous. I just won't be celebrating it!

Last year Grant and I went to the Temple on "Birth Mother's Day" and we will do the same this year. Last year Grant gave me flowers for Mother's Day and he will probably do the same!

So, happy Birth Mother's Day to those who celebrate it and happy Mother's Day to every single woman who has grown a child in her belly (even if it were for a short time) or has raised a child!

Let's face it, motherhood is about love!

Mother's Day

Today has really been a bitter-sweet day for me. To be honest, I have been dreading Mother's Day for the past few weeks. Mostly because I didn't really know what to expect or how I would feel. It is hard thinking that last Mother's Day I was pregnant and I felt more of a mom then than I do today. I was caring for my peanut and was "with" her 24/7. Today, I am baby less, not with her, and that is a hard thing to face. I know that I am a real mother, but it isn't the same when your child doesn't call you mom and you cant do those "motherly" things for her everyday.

Yesterday was Birth Mother's Day. I knew the Saturday before MD is always BMD, and I was actually pretty excited about it. I was excited that birthmothers had a day to be honored by others for our sacrifices and etc. I was actually going to blog yesterday and promote it and get all into it. But I read a BLOG a few days before about a birth mother who doesn't celebrate BMD. It really put things into perspective and I too decided that I would rather celebrate MD, even if it is painful. I think that it is great that there is a BMD, but I don't think that it should be the day before MD. It's a great feeling to be acknowledged for my sacrifice and great strength, but at the same time, I would rather be acknowledged for be the real mother I am. No, I don't parent Kinley, but I did give her life and I provided her with all I could offer, which I feel is what real mothers do. I think that having BMD the day before kind of pushes birthmothers away from MD. Maybe if BMD was another part of the year or something, it would be better. Anyways- I hope that makes sense.

Grant and I went to the temple yesterday. I purposely had us go so that I could get lost in The Lord's work instead of focussing on this weekend. It was a great time. We drove down to Monticello and had long conversations and laughed and had a great road trip. The temple was amazing of course, and the spirit was so strong. I love being in The Lord's house. There is nothing more peaceful than the temple.

 We had lunch in Moab and then drove the rest of the way back home. We got on the subject of MD and I expressed my concerns and sadness I was having for the day. He was so caring and he tried to comfort me the best he could. We spent the rest of the day cleaning and just relaxing. Grant surprised me with a dozen red roses. He said he wasn't going to get me anything because he wasn't sure if I wanted to just ignore MD as a whole or what. But he decided to get me some and it melted my heart how caring and supportive he is. I must add that Grant isn't a present person. Not because he is not a giving person or anything, he just isn't a huge present-giving person. So for him to get me flowers, it was a huge thing in its self. We packed some lunchables in the car and we went star gazing out at a trail. He made my day so much better.

When I woke up this morning, I didn't really want to got o church. Mostly because it's Mother's Day and they always talk about mothers and how amazing they are and all of that. Don't get me wrong- I LOVE my mom- it's just today is rough because I'm not the "typical" mother. I drug myself out of bed and we went to church and kept my cool pretty well until the little kids got up and sang a song to their mothers. I lost it. I sobbed and sobbed. It's just really painful that I don't have my baby and that she won't sing those songs for me when she is older. The words to the song they sang are as followed:

Mother, I love you; mother, I do.
Father in heaven has sent me to you.
When I am near you. I love to hear you
Singing so softly that you love me too.

It is such a sweet song, but so painful to hear in my situation. I can't wait for the day I have children of my own and for them to be able to sing me those songs.

I was a basket case the rest of the day and my emotions were on major edge- I just wanted to sleep- which is what I do when I'm down. And as I was getting ready to dose off, Nicole texted me and asked if I wanted to Face Time with Kinley. I about had a heart attack. I hadn't really talked to them in a few weeks and really wasn't expecting anything. It made my day just to see my pretty girl! She is so big and she is crawling all over the place. Her teeth are growing in and she is jabbering a lot. Something so simple as video chatting made my day so much better.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers. But especially Happy Mother's Day to all you birth mothers. I hope all my birth mom friends are handling today well and I am so grateful for my wonderful husband and all he does.