One Year Older and Wiser too

Well guys- I survived my first year of being a birth mom. I'm here with all limbs and sanity still accounted for. I lost a few friends along the way, but I survived! It's so bitter sweet to think this time last year I was getting back on my feet after placing Kinley. It was the beginning of this journey and I didn't know what I was headed for. Like I said in my last blog- I'm sure glad I was chosen to be the one to take this journey because of all the lessons I've learned! I've come so far in this short year and when I compare myself to last year, I can't help but cry happy tears at how far I've come and all that I have over come.

Grant and I were able to travel down to see Kinley! It was such a great weekend! We never really get to spend a lot of time together, just us, because of work and other things life needs us for, so it was fun to spend 5 days interrupted together. We got to Utah a few days before our visit, so we got to do some hiking, swimming, and just relaxing. On the 4th, I ran a 5k race I have been training for, and it was so much fun! It felt good to accomplish this goal I set!

Kinley's party was the day before her actual birthday. It was at her grandparent's home. I am so grateful, they opened up their home to us to celebrate with them. Im not really sure if I have mentioned this before, but my favorite animal is an elephant. I usually make it a point to send Kinley any and all elephant things I find! I have an eye for elephants and I can spot elephants at almost any store. Anyways- Nicole knows this and she was so thoughtful to incorporate elephants as the theme of her party. The invitations had a big elephant on them, Kinley's cake was an elephant, there were elephant cookies, etc. I was in heaven! It also made me feel so good that Nicole thought of me when doing it all.

When we got to their house, Kinley was still sleeping so Nicole went up to wake her. I was soooo excited to see her! I woke up at like 6:30 am because I couldn't sleep!! When she brought her down- My heart melted! I hadn't seen her in so long- except in pictures- and she had grown so much! I almost didn't recognize her. I gave her the biggest hug and kiss. At first, she wasn't sure about me. It was like she knew I was a good person, but she wasn't sure why she liked me. after about 10 or so minutes, she warmed up and was fine. Grant says she knew who I was. I bought her an outfit and Nicole let it be her party dress. I know it's a small gesture, but it meant so much to me. She was kind of confused that I dressed her and was like "wait- why is this girl dressing me? I thought only mommy and daddy dressed me".

everyone got there, we ate and Nicole let me feed Kinley. It was so fun and she thought it was hilarious when I made airplane noises as I spooned her bananas.

She opened presents and Nicole invited me to sit up with them and help her open them. Again- something so small, but it meant a lot to me. It was fun to see her amazed at all the tissue paper and bows. And she got so excited over the toys and fun things she got.

Then she ate her cake. When we sang to her, she was a little confused why everyone was looking at her and singing, but when we sang "happy birthday, dear Kinley" she got a big smile on her face and giggled because we said her name. It was so cute. Nicole put her big cake in front of her and she didn't hesitate to dig right in. It was so funny that she was just going to town on it. She didn't want to eat it, she just wanted to throw it round and make a big mess! It got all in her hair and her bow and she even managed to fling it on some people who were standing close.

We went swimming after and I got to play with Kinley in the pool and watch her play and have fun. It was so fun to watch her interact with her cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. She is such a loved little girl and her family is so wonderful.

The best part of her party was when I sat her up on my lap and I said "Kinley, say La La" she looked at my mouth and studied it really hard and then said "La La" it was so cool!! She giggled like "yep- I'm awesome" My heart was so full and happy. I'm sure she had no idea she made my day- but she did.

It was so fun to see Kinley's personality. She is such a happy baby. She never really cried unless she was tired or she got hurt! The last time I saw her, she was just barely army crawling, and now she is walking EVERYWHERE! she is also saying words! She says mommy, daddy, Taylee, Papa, uh oh, baby (which is her favorite word), and now La La. Everything is a baby. She points at animals and says "baby", she points to her doll and says "baby", and she points to pictures of her and says "baby" it's so cute! She kept taking my phone and pointing to the picture of her and saying "baby". It's so crazy how big and smart my pretty girl has gotten!

The next day- the 7th- was her actual birthday. We went to church with them and then went over to their house again and just hung out and visited. My mom, sister Charnae, her daughter Camille, and my other sister, Audrey drove down that morning and met up with us to see Kinley. I was so excited because Charnae hand't seen Kinley since she was born- and Camille was still in her tummy when Kinley was born- so they got to meet (and of course Kinley was calling Camille baby).

At her party, I gave Kinley fun little presents like toys and clothes, but on her actual birthday, I gave her some more sentimental gifts. I put together a photo album of pictures of me from the time I was born, until the time I gave birth (I looked through it with her, and- you guessed it- she said "baby" at every picture), I had my friends, who came and visited us in the hospital, write little letters to Kinley about what they remember about her, I got her the matching bracelet to my necklace- it says "forever in my heart" and has a charm that says "Laura", and then I got her a recordable book called "Wherever you are my love will follow", I also got her a blanket and my mom embroidered her name on it- I got her one when she was born also- so now she has a new one.

she's checkin out her bracelet

The rest of the time we just visited and played! My sister has a little squeaky giraffe toy for Camille and Kinley thought it was so funny! She played with it almost the whole time and just walked around laughing and had the biggest grin!

snuggles

I love her smile!

my mom and Kinley 

Audrey feeding her her water

playing with her

playing with her car with one finger

Well I'm done with the picture over load! When we left, my mom taught Kinley how to blow a kiss. I have a video of it- but it wont upload- so maybe later I will figure it out. She gave me a kiss goodbye and waved! I had such an awesome visit with her! I am so blessed to have such a great open adoption. I couldn't have asked for better parents for my baby girl. They love her as their own- and I can tell they are raising her to be the best little girl. It was so fun to see her personality and to interact with her. She is such a sweet girl and I think deep down- she knows what all is going on and feels the love from both her adoptive family and her birth family. I don't want to sound arrogant when I say this, but I truly feel that Kinley feels the bond that we have. Even though she is still so young- I feel like she knows who I am and she can feel my love. It's so heart-warming to see that all I have done to make sure she knows I lover her show! She is so loved and she has the life I always imagined my children to have- maybe not the same circumstances- but she has all the love and all the things she needs.

I was worried I would feel sad on her birthday- because it also marks when I kissed her goodbye- but instead I was overwhelmed with love and amazement at the person I created! I did, however, have a hard time on the 9th. That was her placement day. All the emotions were so real. I felt like I was back in the hospital with a broken heart. I had so much support from my family and friends though. I was able to bounce back and my day was better. It's amazing how fast I am able to bounce back after having my "moments". I have finally gotten the hang of knowing what to do to cope.

I wrote this on my Facebook page and I wanted to share it on here:

"Today marks strength and weakness. Today marks true love. 

Today marks heart break and healing. Today marks new beginnings and fresh starts. 

Today marks trust and hope. Today marks the day I gave my pretty girl a whole family, the best life, and the resources to grow. 

Today marks the hardest day of my life- and the hardest journey that has shaped who I am entirely. 

I wouldn't wish this upon anyone- but I am truly thankful Heavenly Father chose me. 

Today is hard- but we can do hard things."

So here is to another year of being a birth mom! I have gone through all my "firsts" so I'm ready to see what is in store for the 2nd year! until next time! 

What My Adoption Journey Has Taught Me: The First Year

Although, I have only been at this whole adoption journey for a year, there has been so much I have learned! I, first of all, can't believe it will be a year on Sunday that I gave birth to the most amazing little girl! Time has flown, but it also has stood still! I wanted to write this blog because I often find myself reflecting on the changed person I have become in this eventful year and I wanted to write them all down in one place!

Although, I would never want to do this whole adoption over again or wish it upon someone, I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father I was the chosen one to do the job. My life has changed in almost every aspect because of this, and I truly feel, it has saved my life. So I guess I'll start listing all of the things I've learned this past year:

1. How to trust

From the very beginning of my pregnancy, I had to learn to trust in The Lord. I was in the darkest part of my life, and I had nowhere else to turn than to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I have learned to trust in Him that if I do what I'm supposed to, I will be blessed and things will work out. So many times I didn't know if I was doing the right thing (choosing adoption) because I was so scared and I wasn't sure how I was going to go through with it. But had to trust The Lord that he would help me along the way. I still to this day, underestimate this sometimes, but I've never been let down.

Another aspect of trust I've learned, is the people in my earthly life I have learned to trust. My family is one. I have grown so close to my parents and siblings through this journey. I've learned no matter what mistakes I've made, they are going to be there to support me every step of the way. I've also discovered which friends I have that I can count on. People i least expected to be by my side through this year have shown me what real friends are. Along with learning who to trust, I've also, unfortunately, have had to learn who not to trust. When hard times come, people's true colors show, and I have sadly had to witness people fade out of my life.

2. How to love

The moment I found out I was pregnant, I had a sense of what "A Mother's Love" is. As my pregnancy went on, I created the most amazing bond with Kinley that is like no other. And when she was born, the most powerful sense of love flooded my heart and body! I had never loved something so much as that 6 pound baby. Nothing can compare to what that little girl does to my heart. I always wondered what true love was, and Kinley proved it to me int he first second she was born. When I was dating Grant, I knew I had fallen in love with him, because a lot of the same feelings I had when Kinley was born, I had with Grant. Grant and I share a different love than Kinley and I, but Kinley taught me what true love feels like, and in turn, I was able to know when I was truly in love with Grant.

3. How to look at the big picture

When I became pregnant, was the start of this. I was now taking care of another person, so I had to think before I did anything. Choosing adoption, in itself, was looking at the big picture. I had to set all my emotions to the side, and think about what was best for my little peanut.
every time I had melt downs, I would always remember why I was doing adoption. Even in the hospital, when I didm't want to say goodbye, I had to tell myself "This is for her, not me.". If it were all for me, I would have parented her, but Kinley was more important than me, at the time.

Even still now I have to look at the big picture. Whenever my mind starts wondering off and thinking what if- I have to bring myself back to home- plate and remember I did everything for Kinley. All of my decisions are based off of if Kinley would be proud of me. She is always that little voice on my shoulder.

4. How to express myself

Before this whole journey, I was very good at hiding my feelings and keeping them bottled inside for no one to know. And when I would share them, I didn't really know how to express them the way I wanted. When I was pregnant, I started going to counseling. I was able to learn how to express my feelings and not be afraid of admitting them. It had helped me so much because I don't feel like I get trampled on as easy and I am able to resolve things. I have even started this blog, which I never would have imagined a few years ago! It's such a new thing for me to spill my heart out to my computer, but I find it so therapeutic.

Even with Nicole and Toby, I have had to learn to express my feelings to them, and for them the same i'm sure with me.

5. How to be a friend

I've never really had a tragic thing happen to me where I've needed my friends or support until now. I've really learned how to be a friend from my friends' examples. They have shown me that you don't need to have all the answers to give good advice, you just need an open ear and their best interest at heart. My friends have stepped up to the plate and have taught me how to be a friend.

6. How to be open minded

Being a teen mom, pregnant out of wed-lock, AND choosing adoption are all things against "the norm". Being the one in the situation really opened my mind that ANY one can fall into this. I wouldn't say I was mean to the girls in my high school who were pregnant, but I didn't really lend out a hand either. I always thought they chose to be pregnant and they wanted to be teen mothers. Falling a "victim" of this, I totally dropped all stereotypes I ever had concerning pregnancy and adoption. I am proud to say I don't judge people as harshly as I used to. I try to imagine their life situations before making any judgments, and I feel like I have been a lot more open to learning about others' situations.

Even in the adoption world, there are different kinds of scenarios. With getting my hands wet in the birth mom support area, I have learned to even have an open mind with other birth mothers. We all come from different back grounds and situations, and we all made our decisions based on different things, but with all the same best interest in mind; our babies.

7. How to be patient

I would not consider myself patient by any means. I'm the type of person who wants things now and I don't want to wait. I learned I had to be patient in waiting for my due date. I had to be patient in finding Kinley's adoptive family. I also had to be patient in The Lord's timing. I still have the tendency to want to rush things, but I think I've come a long way. Heavenly Father has a tie frame for things and I've had to learn to let go and let God. And again-  I have never been let down by waiting for things.

8. How to be a mother

This last one is so dear to me. I get told all the time that I'm not a mother. But- I AM a mother! I am and will always be Kinley's first mother. I may not be her parent, but I am her mother. Even though I may not parent Kinley or see her everyday, doesn't mean those "motherly instincts" turned off. I still always have her best interest on mind. I think so much differently and I credit Kinley for that (all in good ways of course). I don't consider myself a typical 20 year old. I don't find partying appealing. I don't really care if I'm watching the right shows or going to the coolest concerts. My whole mind-set has totally altered. I think about what kind of mother I want to be when it's my turn. I think of all the things I can do for Miss Kinley. From this experience, I have been taught a lot of the things I find are important to be a "real" mother some day. It makes me more and more excited to be a parent.


This is all I could think of. There are probably so many more things I could list, but these are the ones I find the most prominent. This year has changed my life; for the better of course. I have grown into a strong woman (brag time;)) and I couldn't have done it without my friends, family, and of course, Heavenly Father. I know that I am so new to this process, but I feel I have mastered a small portion of being a birth mom. Knowing I have my whole life left of this, both scares me but also excites me. It's scary to know I will be carrying this grief with me, but it excites me to be able to learn more things to add to my list. This has been a roller coaster year: I placed Kinley, moved to Vegas, got engaged, moved back to Colorado, got married, we've added a dog and a cat to our little family, and all the other things life throws at us. It's been crazy, but I wouldn't change one thing!

Thank you all- friends and strangers- for reading my blog. I have gotten so many inspiring comments and it makes me more and more excited to blog! Stay tuned for an update for Kinley's birthday! Have a wonderful and safe 4th of July- and for those of you in other countries- have a fun and safe weekend!

Mother's Day

Today has really been a bitter-sweet day for me. To be honest, I have been dreading Mother's Day for the past few weeks. Mostly because I didn't really know what to expect or how I would feel. It is hard thinking that last Mother's Day I was pregnant and I felt more of a mom then than I do today. I was caring for my peanut and was "with" her 24/7. Today, I am baby less, not with her, and that is a hard thing to face. I know that I am a real mother, but it isn't the same when your child doesn't call you mom and you cant do those "motherly" things for her everyday.

Yesterday was Birth Mother's Day. I knew the Saturday before MD is always BMD, and I was actually pretty excited about it. I was excited that birthmothers had a day to be honored by others for our sacrifices and etc. I was actually going to blog yesterday and promote it and get all into it. But I read a BLOG a few days before about a birth mother who doesn't celebrate BMD. It really put things into perspective and I too decided that I would rather celebrate MD, even if it is painful. I think that it is great that there is a BMD, but I don't think that it should be the day before MD. It's a great feeling to be acknowledged for my sacrifice and great strength, but at the same time, I would rather be acknowledged for be the real mother I am. No, I don't parent Kinley, but I did give her life and I provided her with all I could offer, which I feel is what real mothers do. I think that having BMD the day before kind of pushes birthmothers away from MD. Maybe if BMD was another part of the year or something, it would be better. Anyways- I hope that makes sense.

Grant and I went to the temple yesterday. I purposely had us go so that I could get lost in The Lord's work instead of focussing on this weekend. It was a great time. We drove down to Monticello and had long conversations and laughed and had a great road trip. The temple was amazing of course, and the spirit was so strong. I love being in The Lord's house. There is nothing more peaceful than the temple.

 We had lunch in Moab and then drove the rest of the way back home. We got on the subject of MD and I expressed my concerns and sadness I was having for the day. He was so caring and he tried to comfort me the best he could. We spent the rest of the day cleaning and just relaxing. Grant surprised me with a dozen red roses. He said he wasn't going to get me anything because he wasn't sure if I wanted to just ignore MD as a whole or what. But he decided to get me some and it melted my heart how caring and supportive he is. I must add that Grant isn't a present person. Not because he is not a giving person or anything, he just isn't a huge present-giving person. So for him to get me flowers, it was a huge thing in its self. We packed some lunchables in the car and we went star gazing out at a trail. He made my day so much better.

When I woke up this morning, I didn't really want to got o church. Mostly because it's Mother's Day and they always talk about mothers and how amazing they are and all of that. Don't get me wrong- I LOVE my mom- it's just today is rough because I'm not the "typical" mother. I drug myself out of bed and we went to church and kept my cool pretty well until the little kids got up and sang a song to their mothers. I lost it. I sobbed and sobbed. It's just really painful that I don't have my baby and that she won't sing those songs for me when she is older. The words to the song they sang are as followed:

Mother, I love you; mother, I do.
Father in heaven has sent me to you.
When I am near you. I love to hear you
Singing so softly that you love me too.

It is such a sweet song, but so painful to hear in my situation. I can't wait for the day I have children of my own and for them to be able to sing me those songs.

I was a basket case the rest of the day and my emotions were on major edge- I just wanted to sleep- which is what I do when I'm down. And as I was getting ready to dose off, Nicole texted me and asked if I wanted to Face Time with Kinley. I about had a heart attack. I hadn't really talked to them in a few weeks and really wasn't expecting anything. It made my day just to see my pretty girl! She is so big and she is crawling all over the place. Her teeth are growing in and she is jabbering a lot. Something so simple as video chatting made my day so much better.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers. But especially Happy Mother's Day to all you birth mothers. I hope all my birth mom friends are handling today well and I am so grateful for my wonderful husband and all he does.

From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours

I titled this blog after a song by Michael Mclean. I fell in love with this song and it describes mine and I'm sure other birth mom's stories.

This part of my blog has taken me forever to write. Kinley is almost 4 months old and I'm just barely brave enough to write the placement part of my journey. Although it's been 4 months- I am still (and probably forever will be) very sensitive when I talk or think about the placement of my angel daughter.

When the clock struck 8pm- Chelsea (my case worker) came in with the recorder (she was in charge of the paperwork and all the legal documents and she made sure everything was done the right way and all that boring technical stuff). She had a huge pile of paper work. I was dreading those papers my whole pregnancy. These papers terminated my rights as the parent and guardian of Kinley. After these papers were signed and mailed off, I had no voice in behalf of her. For 48 hours I had every say for her life and well being (there wasn't a lot of things I used this power for- but still I had it) and in 45 minutes- those rights were taken away. deleted. disappeared. snatched out from under me. given to people I was entrusting my daughter's life with. The thought of this broke my heart. The recorder had 3 sets of copies of the documents- one for me, one for the adoptive couple (I think- don't hold me to it), and one for the state. I needed two witnesses to sign and prove everything was legit. My mom, sisters, and dad took turns doing the honors. I held sleeping Kinley in my arms the whole signing. I cried every single time I heard the words 'I am terminating my rights as a parent' or 'I know after all is done- I have no say in anything in behalf of Kinley' or 'After the papers are signed there is no turning back' (I am generalizing these sentences of coarse) It pulled at my heart strings to know after this was final- it was 100% final. No turning back. No 'oops I change my mind's. nothing. I cried and cried and cried after page after page after page. I knew I was doing the right thing, but it was still hard knowing I was no longer going to be Kinley's legal mother. It took forever to read and answer all the questions and sign and initial all the pages. It took almost an hour. I was so exhusted from giving birth and not sleeping! I just wanted to curl up in a ball and wake up from this horrible dream. When the signing was over- I had my last hour with Kinley. Chelsea told me to text her when I was ready to see the adoptive couple and do the actual placement.

I couldn't help but take pictures of her while i signed papers

They left the room and I cried like a baby. I let all loose and just cried. Tears falling on Kinley's face. This was it. The moment of truce. The point in my life that I had been anticipating and fearing. I had spent 6 months in counseling preparing for this moment. I was terrified. I was sacrificing the most important thing I had in my entire life. I was giving the one thing in my life that was 100% mine to a family I barely knew, but I knew they were the right people. I had prayed, pleaded on my knees, cried to the Lord in fear and worry that this moment I was about to experience would go as good as it could. I was again stepping into uncharted territory- but this time, I prepared myself and I was ready to walk into the dark and figure it out.

I had bought an outfit for Kinley a long while back that I wanted her to wear when she went home from the hospital. It was a white little romper and a white bow. I imagined her being so beautiful in it. Me and my sisters dressed her up in it and we all started bawling. She looked like an angel. She looked like a baby in heaven. She was dressed in all white. She was so pure and innocent. I looked at her and for the foist time, I realized just how much of a little miracle she was. Not only to me, but to her new family. This little 6 pounds of sweetness had changed my life in so many ways. All positive. She was a living miracle. An angel on earth. I kissed her a million times before I let everyone else have there last hugs and kisses. Jaala held her so tight and rocked her back and forth. Told her how much she loved her. Same with Charnae. She gave her niece kisses and told her she was beautiful and would always love her. My mommy held her granddaughter in her arms so lovingly. It made me think of how Heavenly mother would hold her children. She was so gentle and whispered to her how special she was. When it came time for my dad to hold her, he became silent. He looked in her eyes (she had woken up) for a moment and then started singing her You Are My Sunshine. We all were brought to tears. To see my dad so sad and almost unable to sing, made me hurt inside. It made me realize that I wasn't the only one sacrificing something. My whole family loved that little girl. It hurt for all of them to say goodbye. After my dad sang to her, he handed her back. I gave her the biggest hug! I looked into her beautiful eyes and recited her my all time favorite poem: I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be. That was the hardest thing to say to her. I loved her, still love her and will always love her.

My heart was hurting so badly. The feeling in the room was so peaceful though. I felt like I could reach out and touch heaven. God was there with us and he was helping me. I always imagined him there helping me hand Kinley to her new mommy. I felt like someone was ripping my heart out. I had never felt that much pain in my life. I had never loved someone or something so much in my life and for it to be taken from me, hurt worse than being run over by a train. I had every opportunity to tell Chelsea not to mail the papers and that I changed my mind- but I knew I was doing the right thing. Heavenly Father was holding my hand at this moment. I could sense it. He was helping me face the biggest fear of my life. I just had to remember that I was doing the right thing and that I was prepared for it. My family and I talked for a while longer and then I felt it was time to text Chelsea that I was ready.

About 5 minutes later, Nicole, Toby, Taylee, and Chelsea came in. Nicole was holding a car seat and a big present. I cried more. I wished that car seat was mine and that I was the one taking Kiney home in it. We talked a little bit and then I finally took the stage. I told Nicole how much I loved her and her family and how I looked to her as a sister. I told them how much of a blessing they were in my life. I knew I was a huge blessing in their life, but because of them, I was able to live the life I was supposed to and they were giving me that opportunity by caring for my child. We were all teary eyed and Nicole and Toby expressed their appreciation and love towards me as well. Nicole gave me the big present and asked me to open a small box inside. Inside the box was a necklace. It had two little charms on it that said "Forever in my heart" and "Kinley". It was a necklace for me that had Kinley's name on it. I cried so hard. It was perfect. There couldn't have been a more perfect gift. I put it on immediately. After a few minutes of silence, I gave Kinley the biggest kiss and I got the guts to stand up. This was it.

I stood up and gave Toby and Nicole a hug. I paused in front of Nicole and just stood there for a few seconds. I had tears rolling down my face as I placed Kinley in her arms. It didn't even feel like I was doing it. I think Heavenly Father was helping me. I placed her in her arms and at that moment- I knew, I knew it was the right thing to do. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. Placing my most prized possession in the arms of a woman who so desperately needed it. The look in Nicole's eyes said it all. "Thank you" they said. I had so much pain in my heart, but at the same time, so much peace and love. I had given Toby and Nicole something they would have never been able to have if it weren't for me. I gave them the gift of life. The gift of a sweet baby girl. I felt so blessed and honored to be able to give them that gift. Although I was hurting so badly, I felt peace. I like to think that Kinley was always supposed to be Nicole and Toby's. Nicole's body just didn't function the right way, so I was the one who was supposed to grow Kinley and place her in their arms. Kinley is technically mine, but at the same time, she never was. She was supposed to be Nicole and Toby's the whole time. I was just the portal in which she got to them. Through choices- good and bad- Kinley found her way into Nicole's arms via me. God just had a better plan. I liked his plan. It enabled me to learn a big lesson and to bless lives. I loved the way Kinley looked in Nicole's arms. I loved the way the 4 of them looked together. They were a complete family. Although I didn't feel complete without my daughter, I felt happy that I caused them so much joy. They looked so happy. I stood back as they were getting pictures and they looked so so happy. Kinley is going to be a happy girl as she grows up.

My dad pulled me in and gave me a big hug. I was so grateful he was there. I was grateful that my mom and sisters were there too. I had my little support system with me when I did the hardest thing I think I'll ever do in my entire life. In my moment of hurt and sadness, my family held my hand, wiped my tears, and gave me hugs. I love my family so much. I don't know where I would be without them. I don't even want to imagine this journey without them. It would have been impossible- that's for sure. I am also so thankful for all my family that couldn't be there, my extended family, friends, ward members, etc that supported me through out my whole pregnancy! They helped my push through the hard parts of my pregnancy, my struggles, and they were an awesome cheering section.

I gave Nicole and Toby the low down on Kinley. When she needed to be fed, burped, how she liked to be held, where she liked to lay, how to wrap her up, how to sooth her etc. In that short 48 hours, I had learned so much about her and she had a lot of directions. I gathered up all my things and my family and I headed home. I couldn't wait to be in my own bed and just sleep. Sleeping cures so much.